Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
