I will die if light touches me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
