apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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