I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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