Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
