i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
