i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
