So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
