the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
