So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
