I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize