bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
