Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
