Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
