so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
