haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
