He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
