conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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