She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pooping to opera.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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