If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
