somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
