I have demons in me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
