Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
