I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
