Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
