yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
