My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
