I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
