I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
