So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
zippers are such a cool invention
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize