Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
