I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
