Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
