Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize