it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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