so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
