He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
