So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize