Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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