You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
