if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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