Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
