life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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