Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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