How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
