how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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