Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
