whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
