Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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