hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize