idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
