He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
