I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
