at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
