Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
