The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
