guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
50% drunk capacity currently
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
