I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
