I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
