I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize