OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
