I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
