I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
