i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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