I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
