We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
